No No's

A quick list of things that should never have found themselves in modern day existence:

1. leashes for babies...have you seen these? I mean the first time you see a baby try to take more than three steps with one of those leashes strapped to its waist, I'll admit, it's funny. But when the baby continues to walk away from its parent, only to get snapped back into place- well it just gets sad, and hard to watch. Still gotta watch of course, but eventually it's just cruel to mock, and you have to turn away. You may ask yourself, what's worse than a kid on a leash? Well  I will tell you...a cat on a leash. That's just freaky.

2.  fanny packs...I saw someone the other day wearing one backwards. This is just wrong. It's saying three things immediately about that person: they are from out of town, they want to be robbed and they own Keds.

3. when the phrase This must be the local is said out loud when someone walks on to a crowded elevator...I heard it about five times in a three day period once and I rolled my eyes and scoffed each time. These are the same people who warn you to not get your pants stuck on escalators and they also feel the need to tell you that you "just missed three busses in a row...now there's a long wait". Seriously- if you see me running to the bus stop, I'd really rather not know if I missed three nearly empty ones. Don't ruin the fun surprise of public transportation for me. I'm the one who keeps on looking up and down the street to see if maybe the bus will appear from behind a mailbox or telephone pole. 

Thanks folks, I'll be here all week.

Winona and Me

Remember Reality Bytes? That early nineties movie with Winona Ryder before she turned into a bitch/stopped trying to act and Ethan Hawke when he made flannel look cool? I must have watched that movie when I was really  young cause I remember thinking the characters seemed so old and adult. I couldn't wait to be that old and have real purpose in life. 

Conveniently, I watched that movie when I was back in Boston this past weekend for my 5 year high school reunion. It was a big weekend filled with 'Remember Whens" with my friends who haven't changed all that much in 5 years. Though we have gotten a tad bit more mature and stopped squealing when we see a member of the opposite sex.

Note: I went to an all girls boarding school for four years. 

So that movie was on and somehow I completely phased out the fact that it takes place right after a group of friends graduate from college and figure out what they are doing with their lives. Quite an appropriate time to watch that movie right now. Winona actually starts working in the TV industry but quits after a short amount of time (sound familiar?) She then proceeds to sit on her couch in her apartment that is only $400 a month (that amount SO doesn't sound familiar-damn recession), chain smokes (nope-damn Guiliani) and calls a fortune teller for three days straight (not so much).  

So pretty much Winona Ryder's fictional character from 1994 and I are twins. 

Though I don't chain smoke, dance in gas stations, date bodega attendants or live in Boston- I still feel like we are pretty much the same person right now. 

The movie ends with her not finding much direction or figuring out her next step, but she does find love, of course. 

The main conflict of the movie (besides Winona trying to figure out who to sleep with) is the characters answering and then coming to terms with the old age question: what do I do with my life? Though they don't answer the questions they do accept their overall identity in the world, which is to say is defined by continuously finding their identity. 

Troy Dyer AKA Ethan:

"The only thing you have to be by the age of your 23 is yourself."

Lelaina AKA Winona:

 "Yeah, well, I'm not sure who that is anymore."

Such deep, profound words from a nineties movie...but then of course if you compare the movie to the other nineties soul-searching classic Singles then it just gets blown out of the water- and Singles becomes my mantra of course and Reality Bytes can be forgotten about for another ten years or so.

 So anyway, if you want confirmation that it's okay to be twenty-something and not know what your BIG PLAN is AND a definite confirmation that it's NOT okay to flannel then go rent Reality Bytes and do a big exhale. 

Let Me Entertain You

Though I love walking around the city in any weather, I really do enjoy riding the subway. It's kind of like witnessing an unintended human behavior experiment during each ride. A couple random dozen New Yorkers and out-of-towners squished together in an overcrowded, overheated cart for a chunk of time. The only thing they have in common is that they are heading in the same direction and all uncomfortable with their current surroundings.

The best is one of those subway performers is walking through. They all memorize the same script. They always first apologize for interrupting and then tell their quick story of how they haven't eaten in days and can't find a job. (but can somehow afford a monthly subway card, a small stool, amp, and several musical instruments?)

Then they sing some rendition of Amazing Grace that only includes every other syllabol and lasts about 30 seconds. I love free entertainment so of course I put my book away or pull off my iPod and lean in close to hear the music.

Recently though I feel like the entertainers just aren't up to par. Their skill level and talent is lacking. They really should be screened before they get on the train, or at least audition for someone. (P.S. How great would that reality show be?? Street/subway musicians auditioning to ride subways. If they are bad they have to ride the L train, but the better they get they can move lines- like the best player gets to ride the 1/2/3? I call copyright!)

Last week I was about to pull up a scorecard and give the singer a 4 out of 10 and I would have yelled out Get The Hook if I wasn't scared of being stabbed. I was pretty close to nudging the commuter next to me and saying "He shouldn't quit his day job" but I thought that would be in poor taste. And again, since no one really talks to each other on the subway, I really didn't want to get stabbed.

The singer was polite though. He did thank everyone for listening to his song (like they had some kind of choice?) and ask them to donate anything they had. He really did say anything. But for some reason I didn't think he'd accept my empty water bottle or my sunglasses that just snapped in two.

He unfortunatly moved on to the next cart and then my search for entertainment continued but ended quickly when I discovered that the train announcer was probably drunk. She kept on saying things like:

"You are on the Uptown F train, F as in Frankfurt. If you want to go downtown, you are on the wrong train. Please change here for the B as in Breakfast line, and the D as in Duck line. Please have a wonderful day. And watch the space between the train and the platform."

Oh, the subway is indeed quite a magical place.