People Who Travel and Why Some People Shouldn't

After spending some time in an airport recently, I reflect:

*beware, heavy sarcasm ahead, read lightly*

I heard a woman, one who clearly hasn't left Greenwich Connecticut in the past twenty-five years, ask a flight attendant if the snacks on the flight were complimentary. I loitered around her for a moment to see if she'd ask if smoking was allowed.

Don't complain about the long line during the security check point. Dear Mr. Self-appointed Ruler of The Universe, you aren't the only one flying today. Please don't be too angry when you also visit a bank, post office or grocery store-- I'll save you the suspense, people stand in line there as well, for whatever reason they tend to be popular places to visit. 

Do me a favor and don't stand behind me in line and curse and mutter to yourself about the long line, nor the slow pace. Don't loudly point out that there are two metal detectors that aren't being used. Obviously, the line would move faster if the other detectors were open. You're a genius, really. But quick question--do you see another two dozen trained security officers standing around waiting for a job to do? 

If you are one of those attention seeking travelers, please don't put your pet in a bag that looks like every other carry on bag. Because we all know that when your dog that looks like a cat, or cat that looks like a dog, starts to move, or bark or meow it's gonna scare the people behind you. I don't care if it is usually on its best behavior in public, it will somehow manage to further piss off the guy whose still wondering why the security line isn't moving. He will complain loudly and still too himself while he still has another 90 minutes before take off. When it's time to shuffle forward, please don't lean down and ask your bag/pet if "you're ready to move up". The animal won't answer. But let me answer for every one in line, including the animal-- sooo ready. 

A quick end note to people who go out in any kind of populated public place (And by populated public place I am referring to any place that has more than you occupying it) -- under no circumstance are you to reprogram your ring tone. Even if you just downloaded the new Miley Cyrus or Paula Abdul mumbling psychotically on American Idol. That task should be saved for when you're roommate/boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling has a migraine and they've recently done something to piss you off.